ABOUT GRIEF
The common factor in every type of grief is that it implies a loss. But given that losses can be very diverse in nature, there are different types of grief.
While there is no typical or average type of grief, what we call “Normal’ or ‘Common Grief’ is a response that is well… predictable. It might include a variety of feelings and experiences like longing, fatigue, crying, anger, denial, numbness, fear, guilt, and helplessness. But normal grief is different from other types of grief in that you can still engage in your daily activities, there is a gradual alleviation of the symptoms, and there is movement towards acceptance of the loss,
When grief reactions and feelings of loss are debilitating, long-lasting, or keep you from engaging in daily activities, it is known as ‘Complicated Grief.’ People with complicated grief experience extreme distress over the loss with little or no progress towards feeling better or improving functioning. This may happen because the loss is complex or because the griever suppresses grief reactions in the early stages. Guilt, anger, and hostility towards oneself or others are common.
Normal grief responses experienced in combination with traumatic distress suffered as a result of a loved one dying in a way perceived to be frightening, horrifying, unexpected, violent and/or traumatic is called ‘Traumatic Grief.‘
As its name suggests, ‘Anticipatory Grief’ is the reaction to a loss or death you know was coming, such as when an individual is dying from an illness or when you are planning to move to a new city. As soon as you accept and understand that there will be a loss, you begin grieving.
IS THERAPY RIGHT FOR YOU?
Grief reactions, like sadness and confusion, are normal when you’ve experienced a loss. But it can be difficult to know whether you’d benefit from therapy for your grief.
Take this quiz to find out:
GRIEF WE DON’T TALK ABOUT
It's easy to validate the grief of losing a person who died, but our grief is also the pain of other losses. Losses lacking clarity may cause people to question whether a loss has occurred or if the loss should warrant an emotional response. Here are some types of grief that often go unrecognized:
'Disenfranchised Grief' is when your culture, society, or support network makes you feel like your loss and grief is invalidated. This often occurs:
The death is stigmatized, like in the case of suicide, overdose, HIV/AIDS, or drunk driving.
The relationship of the person you lost is seen as insignificant like an ex, co-worker, miscarriage, or pet.
The relationship is stigmatized by society, like a same-sex partner, gang member, or a partner from an extramarital affair.
The loss is not a death, such as when a loved one develops dementia or has a brain injury, mental illness, or substance abuse.
The loss is of identity, safety, autonomy, dreams, or expectations. Grief occurs when we lose the person we used to be or the person we expected to be, like when you stop pursuing a career you dreamed of, or when an illness keeps you from doing things you once framed your identity around.
Multiple losses stem from one loss, such as when a divorce results in a loss of a home, a family unit, financial security, and a sense of safety.
TYPES OF LOSS
Death of a person or pet
Sudden or accidental death such as suicide or homicide
Caregivers’ loss of a patient or loved one
Cumulative losses, typically experienced by a health care provider or hospice personnel
Divorce, separation, or a break-up
Getting married
Moving to a new city or unfamiliar place
Adding a new person to the family such as a child, adopted child, or elderly parent
A chronic or terminal illness diagnosis by you or a loved one
Job loss, career change, or retirement
Aging
Injury or accident, such as an auto accident, house fire, or natural disaster)
Becoming clean and sober
Transitioning from school to work or a career
Living on one's own, like leaving the nest or after death or separation/divorce
THERAPY FOR GRIEF AND BEREAVEMENT
There are several goals of grief counseling. Many people find it hard to give themselves permission to grieve. They may see it as a sign of weakness, selfishness, or incompetence. Yet, grieving is a crucial part of saying goodbye to a loved one who has died. In therapy, I’ll help you feel more willing to experience and express your feelings so that you don’t have to suppress them. I may focus on helping you accept the reality of your loss and learn effective coping skills so that you can continue moving forward and find new ways to live your life. Learning to talk openly and freely about your loss provides an outlet for your grief. This can be a tremendous relief.
At times, loss can bring up feelings of guilt. For example, when relief is tangled up in grief or when you feel numb but you think you should feel sad. You may carry guilt for failing to say or do things before your loved one died. One of the goals of counseling is to help you understand the futility of guilt, process the underlying feelings that cause the guilt, and resolved any unfinished business you may have around the loss.
Therapy for grief is tailored to meet your specific needs, because, as you learned above, each person’s experience of grief is unique and grief may be caused by a variety of factors. In therapy, we may discuss community resources or other forms of auxiliary support, address sleeping or appetite problems, improve self-care, practice journaling or ‘letting go’ exercises, read recommended articles or books on grief, and honor your loss through remembrance rituals or ceremony. Grief therapy will help you navigate one of the hardest parts of your life. It helps you develop new skills and learn more about yourself and about life. It can help you grow stronger even as you face a devastating loss.
READY TO GET STARTED?
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